loose ends

Sometimes it feels like we’re doing a crazy tango. One step forward, two steps back. Round and round and back together again. Is this something I want? I didn’t expect it to be so hard, so confusing.

It shouldn’t be.

The other day, someone asked me what is it that I expect from a relationship. I suspect many would agree that it’s hard to pinpoint to one single thing, or even to a couple for that matter. After giving it some thought, I told her mutual respect and a relationship that helps you grow into a better and more mature person. What a model answer, but doesn’t that just sound so dead boring??

Sure, those are important. You can call them building blocks to a strong relationship. But it's not enough. Above all, what’s more important, is a sense of belonging. Like how watching a comedy alone and going on the roller coaster alone leaves us feeling kinda empty, none of us really want to go through life alone. Ultimately, it's the companionship that we're after, isn't it?

Oh, and let's not forget passion. It’s the one thing that people don’t openly admit to wanting. The feeling that you’re so wanted by someone – mentally, emotionally and physically. Of coz, never excessively till bordering on possessiveness. That's a different category altogether.

To me, it’s important that my other half is a friend. A great friend, in fact. Someone I can tell anything to without reservations because I know he wouldn’t judge me. He wouldn’t hesitate laughing at me when I cried watching An American Tail. We would have debates on who's the best superhero. He would understand my drama and think nothing more of it.

We would spend time together, and then some time not together. He'll understand my need to have my own space and grow as an individual, and that it doesn't mean he's secondary to anything. He should know when to console me and know that it doesn't take more effort than just a hug and maybe some ice cream. He wouldn't say things he doesn't mean, just because it'll make me feel better.

He should call when he said he would.

He wouldn't make me wait and make up excuses for him. He will be honest with me and not make me anxious and insecure. He wouldn't make me guess where we stand with each other. He would enjoy spending time with me because he wanted to, not because he felt he had to.

This is what I feel I at least deserve. It's not very demanding bah. It may be a tall order (to some lesser guys out there) but I believe I'm worth every bit. I have the ingredients to make an excellent girlfriend, to the right guy of coz, heh.

We'll see how it goes. Till then, au revoir.

Women on the road (Part 2)

Told you there'd be a sequel.

You know what's more dangerous than a woman driving a car???

Guess guess guess

A woman driving a bus!!!!! Or any other motorised vehicle with more than 4 wheels.

It was a bright and early morning. I was in my small car on the way to work. Traffic's excellent! The radio was playing some nice ditties that got me humming along happily. Clearly, it was going to be a good day.

Then, I noticed this bus behind me, on my right, obviously going faster than what the sticker on their back said was the max. Not very slowly, the bus caught up with me, travelling side by side now and well on it's way to zoom further ahead. I can see the driver was a woman, being the whole point of this entry anyway.

Tiba-tiba hor, without even an antagonistic honk, the bus cuts into my lane!!!! (like so in the red line below). It was aiming for the bus stop like 20 meters and 3 lanes away.

WAHLIAO!!!!!!!!!! What crazy people drive like that la???!!



I jammed the brakes and the butt of the bus missed me by inches. INCHES!!! Panic gila wei!!! Luckily no car tailgating me, if not sure kena accident teruk.

In all my life of kena bullied by bus drivers, this has to be the most scary case. No matter what, men bus drivers are not so reckless!

Woman driving buses... that my friends, is possibly what's more dangerous than a woman driving a car.

of chocolates and others...

My colleagues often possess this generous courtesy of getting everyone chocolates from the airport whenever they travel overseas. I don't usually scoff all of it at one go coz good chocolates are meant to be savoured one at a time, when the mood is right. Not when you're stressing or PMS-ing.

So I didn't think it was particularly amusing when I found an unwrapped Baci Perugina on my desk this morning, with its top slightly nibbled off. And my premium piece of Dubai chocolate that comes in a cute teeny bag, gone. And what's that?? My pack of M&Ms left half opened on my in-tray.

There's a chocolate thief in the house. And a sadistic one at that!

********

On a totally unrelated topic, I decided yesterday to resurrect my foray into academics. As a student of course, minus the late party nites and boozing laidback student lifestyle I got in university.

I must be insane to put myself through the whole net present value and return on investment shebang, again. Why I say again is because Ms Genius (not!) here have attempted this before and failed the December 2004 papers with such glory, despite it being a mere repeat and rehash of only just, you know, the entire 3 years syllabus of my degree program.

Now, the deal is I don't really fancy failing the same exam twice, especially not at such a senior age. My young cousins happen to think I’m rather clever and I hate to shatter their perfect vision of me. Gullible infants. Of coz, parents, bosses, peers and anyone above the age of 10 all know better. Am I capable of juggling a somewhat demanding so-called career and ace a bitch of an exam paper? I guess it’s time to put my claims of great time management skills to test.

As any decent economics graduate, I analysed the opportunity cost of every decision I would take. In this case, the accounting cost of taking the paper and how I could alternatively and wisely spend the money. I paid US$360 for this paper, which translates to approximately RM1,368. With this amount of moolah I could...


.... get a camera. The uber cool Sony Cybershot DSC-T9 to be exact. One camera is never enough. I need another one which is small enough for me to sneak into concerts and such.


.... get an mp3 player. I’ve been eyeing iPods ever since they rolled off the production line back in 2001. Don’t quite understand why I never got around to getting one because it’s a toy for the cool cats out there and I’m a cool cat. Me-oww.


.... splurge on a very sexy very classy very “I-seriously-cannot–afford-it” dress suit from Zara. My parents will probably skin me alive if I blow close to RM1,000 for a piece of body covering. But if I could look like I walked out of an advertisement, I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.


.... contribute to my Retirement Car Fund. The sum forfeited would work out to approximately 1/50 of the 10% down payment for my retirement car, which is usually driven by either some balding fat mid-life crisis bloke or stick-insect lookalike supermodel cum mistress. Since I don’t have the assets to hook a rich boyfriend who’ll give it to me as a birthday present nor inherit it, I guess I have to do what other normal people do - EARN IT!!

So this is what I’m giving up to torture myself with an exam. The last time I attempted it, I could have spent 1 week in Europe, when airfare and airport taxes are a bit cheaper. I suppose this is a small price to pay for future fame and glory eh.

Autographs, anyone?

almost a victim

Sometimes crimes doesn't seem real enough until it happens to you or someone close to you. We humans are positive thinkers and you know, bad things only happen to someone else. Yesterday tho, I experienced crime as an involved party.

I met up with a bunch of friends at SS2 for a mamak session and it was almost 1am when we were done. My friend and I were walking side by side towards our cars when we heard a fast approaching motorcycle from behind. He stepped to the left, me to the right. Call me paranoia or whatever but I instinctively held my bag up to my chest and leaned to the side of a car parked by the curb.

Almost as if I can predict something bad about to happen, the pillion rider gave me a hard kick on my back. My butt to be exact. Actually I was bracing myself for a serious bash on the back of my head with a helmet. Somehow at that very moment I recalled the article I read yesterday morning itself about how a girl from Johor was hit on the head from the back. Had I not been leaning so close to the car, I would definitely had fell down and injured myself.

I think what happened was those thugs wanted to snatch my bag. But when I heard them approaching I held it up with my back facing them, so they couldn’t possibly snatch it from me. In retaliation, they gave me a boot. Either that or maybe they’re just some sick assholes who like kicking girls for fun. I don’t know. But whatever the reason is, it’s malicious and their aim is to inflict harm.

I don’t know what I could have done to prevent that episode from happening in the first place. I wasn’t walking alone in some dark quiet back lane. Neither was I flashing some blinding bling-blings. I honestly don’t think there was anything I could do that would have made any difference. As ironic as this sound, I’m just grateful that they only kicked me and did not slash me with a parang or club me over my head. I don't dare to imagine what could've happened if my friend wasn't with me at that time.

An acquaintance of mine was not so lucky. She went to her boyfriend’s house and was waiting for the gate to open. In that short period of time, a guy approached her and slashed her on the arms and face. He then grabbed her bag and his accomplice came by on a motorcycle and took off. It happened so fast she did not have time to react to any of it. And she’s only one of the many women I know who are victims.

Why is crime so prevalent in our society nowadays? We hear about young girls being raped, victims of snatch thieves lying in coma, people being gunned down, and it seemed to only get more notorious and violent by the day.

Perhaps there's a flaw in our penalty system. It’s not like people are not aware of the repercussions of being caught. I think it’s because they know they can get away with it. I’m ALL FOR stricter punishment, cut off fingers or something. If crime doesn’t pay, let’s show them we mean it!

But underlying all this is perhaps a more serious social dilemma. Let's look at it this way: No child growing up aspires to be a robber or thief. I would like to believe that people turn to crime as a last resort; because they can't get a job, because they don't earn enough to feed their children. Some does it for the easy way out; they don't want to toil for wealth. I don’t think people commit crime for kicks, but I’m not entirely convinced.

You would agree that people who had spent an amount of time in prison probably can’t get a decent job and turn to crime again for a living. But you can't keep them in prison forever coz they would just be living off the tax payers' money, OUR money. So do you take them off the street or do you keep them behind bars? It's very catch-22, isn't it? Either way you look at it, they are still a burden to society.

So how did it become this way? Where did it all went wrong?

Crime, with noble intentions or not, is still a crime. What goes around comes around so I will refrain from wishing their dicks to fall off or "sang chai mou see fatt" or anything along those lines. Well, maybe God can just zap them whenever they think of committing a criminal offence.

Girls, just be careful ya. Stay alert.

memoirs of another geisha

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