loose ends

Sometimes it feels like we’re doing a crazy tango. One step forward, two steps back. Round and round and back together again. Is this something I want? I didn’t expect it to be so hard, so confusing.

It shouldn’t be.

The other day, someone asked me what is it that I expect from a relationship. I suspect many would agree that it’s hard to pinpoint to one single thing, or even to a couple for that matter. After giving it some thought, I told her mutual respect and a relationship that helps you grow into a better and more mature person. What a model answer, but doesn’t that just sound so dead boring??

Sure, those are important. You can call them building blocks to a strong relationship. But it's not enough. Above all, what’s more important, is a sense of belonging. Like how watching a comedy alone and going on the roller coaster alone leaves us feeling kinda empty, none of us really want to go through life alone. Ultimately, it's the companionship that we're after, isn't it?

Oh, and let's not forget passion. It’s the one thing that people don’t openly admit to wanting. The feeling that you’re so wanted by someone – mentally, emotionally and physically. Of coz, never excessively till bordering on possessiveness. That's a different category altogether.

To me, it’s important that my other half is a friend. A great friend, in fact. Someone I can tell anything to without reservations because I know he wouldn’t judge me. He wouldn’t hesitate laughing at me when I cried watching An American Tail. We would have debates on who's the best superhero. He would understand my drama and think nothing more of it.

We would spend time together, and then some time not together. He'll understand my need to have my own space and grow as an individual, and that it doesn't mean he's secondary to anything. He should know when to console me and know that it doesn't take more effort than just a hug and maybe some ice cream. He wouldn't say things he doesn't mean, just because it'll make me feel better.

He should call when he said he would.

He wouldn't make me wait and make up excuses for him. He will be honest with me and not make me anxious and insecure. He wouldn't make me guess where we stand with each other. He would enjoy spending time with me because he wanted to, not because he felt he had to.

This is what I feel I at least deserve. It's not very demanding bah. It may be a tall order (to some lesser guys out there) but I believe I'm worth every bit. I have the ingredients to make an excellent girlfriend, to the right guy of coz, heh.

We'll see how it goes. Till then, au revoir.