in all it's misery it will always be what i love and hated

This is the fourth time this week and all I am these days is too tired. Too tired to return missed calls. Too tired to eat. Too tired to do something about my unruly hair. Too tired to think of how tired I really am.

As I stare at this flickering screen in front of me, a forgotten memory somehow found its way back. I went through this same thing almost 2 years ago, with the Kamus Dewan and Kamus Inggeris-Melayu Dewan being my only companions as the night gradually sheds its inky darkness. It's like deja vu all over again, except back then, that someone would call me and I'll feel better almost at once. Spineless I'll admit, but comforting.

The bright yellow smiley that cheered me up yesterday now appeared to be mocking me. I can't decide whether its perma-U mouth is less than genuine or telling me it's all gonna be ok.

And I got scolded today for blewing off (in a row) the third lunch invite from a buddy I've known for too long. I think I deserved it. If this goes on, people will stop asking me out and I'll end up bitter, lonely and friendless.

*sniff*

Why do I torture myself like this? Good question.